I think you’re right. I think I agreed to having children because I wanted to make my wife happy and because it does have a romantic appeal to it. But I think that I myself would prefer not to have children. I felt deeply relieved when she told me she didn’t want kids after all. When I’m on my “meds high” I can imagine myself having kids and enjoying it but as soon as my meds wear off I’m back to “I’d rather not”.
Have you and your wife talked about this? If so, what has her reaction been to you preferring not to have kids after all / being very hesitant about it?
I don’t think my wife would separate to have kids with someone else (other factors I don’t want to go into), I think she would stay with me and feel unhappy about not having kids :(
Another factor is, I feel like there’s still something wrong with our relationship dynamic. Although things have been getting better I feel like there’s still something that’s not working right and (a) I think we need to figure out what is is and fix it and (b) I think having children would make this dynamic even worse.
I’m sorry but I need to blubber a bit in self pity, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything atm. I feel like my wife should have met someone else instead of me. I feel like a failure and constant burden. Even though I’m trying hard I feel like I can’t become the reliable adult that she wants to be with and that she deserves.
Thank you so much <3 This really means a lot. I just… I often feel like my partner should be with someone who’s a natural at caring for others and managing the mental load. Whereas I… she had often said that being with me is like being with a teenager, and I can see what she means. I try to be reliable and become better at “adulting” but it’s a constant struggle and sometimes I feel like it would be better if I just were and stayed single because I’m not sure I’m even capable of carrying the responsibility that comes with being in a serious, committed, adult relationship.